M.I.A
i changed all my accounts. if you care,
you can ask it from me. but dont bother.
i have a new blog too, kthxbye.

pergi :'( hmm.

i have something to write

what happened?
everything used to be so bright,
my laughs and your caring
soon caught up my night,
left me waiting,
yet theres nothing in sight.
all this while i thought it was joy,
but theres nothing i could gain,
only sorrows and tears,
and just alitte more pain.
came back so different,
so out of place,
left me figuring you out like a maze,
then i realized the history is now erased
we give the last parts to our hearts,
but when we gave it to each other,
we tore it all apart.
all the hours of thinking will not bring back our sane,
24 hours...yet still wouldnt dull our pain,
24 years...it will still be the same.

these walls they are caving in on me,
as i look over the past carefully,
im at the worst condition tearfully,
with face as pale as a ghost,
seeing you was what i needed the most.
i looked in your eyes,
and saw whats inside,
something that i was terrified,
on this last sunrise.
you said you will always be around me,
when i set my heart free...
but you let me know then,
all the space and time were bend
and that there was nothing we could mend.
what was i supposed to feel about the things ive done?
i dont know whether i should stay or turn and run.
i know that i hurt you and things may never be the same
and now the only love i ever knew i threw it all away.
miles apart,
keeping you deep inside,
always in my heart,
but i know in time,
i have to hope a new life would start.

This song is for you:
"I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do." —One Year, Six Months.

life laughs, life cries, life gives up and life tries.
life lives and life dies, death is satisfaction i see from my eyes.

its hard for me to articulate what it’s like “on the inside” of sadness, largely because I have a hard time recognizing myself as a sad person. but the scientist in me cries out for corroboration and consistency across a population in defining a disorder or even something with less valence, like an event or why humans even make tears then i would just stuck vacillating between trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me and telling myself nothing is wrong at all. its just all so subjective and lacks any control, though perhaps it would be best to start at the beginning, because that’s where I go when I talk to myself about being depressed.

he sees everyone as being the same and cant notice the intricate and complex personalities that are different in every person and therefore set every person apart, not just himself. the hat protects him from cold weather, but also the coldness and harshness of society. over, and what direction they take when they vanish into the sky. he uses it for two reasons, one practical and one symbolic. some define someone's insecurity are used to try to redeem themselves. It also shows contradiction in that he blames himself for having identical personalities while he is trully unique. despite how he thinks that hes not unique, he subconsciously feels that it affects what people think about him but i never give a damn how he looked. judgments of his surrounding society most often reflect his own securities and flaws. he does not notice or complain about the previously overwhelming typical, superficial and "phony" characteristics of the people around him. im writing these letter for you.

it has been almost a year
everything seemed to be in a smear
forgive me for all my wrong doings,
its normal for a normal lifeless human being.

theres too many scenarios to analyze
i dont think too much
im just far behind and im trying to make sense
i wish i could bear and endure.

we are out of time
we only push ourselves away
and every step we take
makes it easier for us to lie at each others face.
i wonder was i ever onto something good
eventually things started to slide
i just couldnt understand what i misunderstood.

i swear that shes okay, dont need a witness to her feelings
she watches them escape, the good ones get away.
so, cut and paste
all the stitches of her feelings, unraveling this way
makes her feel ashamed.
all around her people stare as she slowly falls apart
picking up pieces of her clumsy little heart.

ill keep sleeping if i don't stop dreaming.
i would stop my breathing for you.
im not leaving this life im dreaming
cause i cant stop living with you.
you take me high, you wake me up
you break me down and you got me 10 feet
off the ground.

i wanna remember to slow down at our favourite parts
cause i said hello but you turned away,
and only deafening silence was heard from the freeway,
but its okay,
the next time youll see me ill be far away.

and when i woke up today, the dream wasnt done.
i wanna see your face,
and know i made it home.
if nothing is true, what more can i do?
i wish you knew
that im still drawing flowers for you.

fucking sober, useless, unworthy, selfish.

swallow your pride, its not taking you anywhere.
let your guard down, and see the world.
trust others, not everyone is the same.
think before you act, cause you might just regret it.
and even though im angry I can still say,
I know my heart will break the day,
when you peel out and drive away,
I cant believe this happened,
and...
no, I don't hate you,
i don't want to fight you,
know I'll always love you,
but right now I just don't like you,

note-to-self Maryam, get it in that thick skull of yours.

my mind will not be enslaved by the government following their where abouts for national service. i dont want to go for ns, i wanna travel and see the world. 3 months wont change a man. let us enjoy the time of our lives.

IM A MESS, IM AN EMOTIONAL WRECK.

WAIT SORRY. HELLO? DO I KNOW YOU? :)

aww i feel sorry for you. having too many friends and so little time. but dont worry! now youre one friend short, hope it makes a big difference. angsty post and what nots, rage is fun. fucking pleasure.

you made a big fuss about me not saying hi first, but when i pass by infront of you, you dont say a fucking word. so now, here i am this lame girl pressing the fucking delete button to fucking remove you.

seeing things, give me the creeps. whats wrong with me, im seeing things i dont want to see why why why. this never happens to me. is this a sign? is this fate? for me to actually put everything behind me. im a wuss, i run away from my problems, thats all i ever do run.

because i know its not hard to find the truth. the only thing that is hard is not to run away from it once that ive found it. fuck this feeling, fuck my life. ill back down, ill let go, ill move on.

i was wrong, you werent the inspiration that came rolling to me. everything makes sense now. i know shit happens, so let me do this please, for once. i dont want to go through any of this any longer. im at the brink where i dont want to care anymore.

you dont have to pretend you dont know me, you can ignore me all your life for all i care cause i want the same thing to, now. so dont worry i deleted you in every way. i wont be in your way, i wish you the best in life --i did mistake you for my problems.

used to. im just at the wrong place at the wrong time.

thank you, for i am having my exams soon and somehow you put my mind onto something not real. thank you, i can never thank you enough. thanks again. you really hope i fail for my exam now huh. thanks again, i owe the world to you.

VIVA LA ESPANA. LA FURIA ROJA! ESPANA GANAR.

Sorry to all the Netherlands supporters, it was a tight match, although it was like a WWE show instead of football at first. But on the 117th minute Iniesta showed that Spain will and is the Fifa World Cup Champions!

FTFW!

hate me for all you want. boys can hate me for what im not, you can gather all the ex boyfriend's and simply formulate a plot for my downfall. i wouldnt care~ my life itself is going down the drain so screw you big time!

i get it. my fault for not saying hi, my fault for not even try and make an effort to press the nudge button or a simple dot or so. im not ignoring you, im not waiting for you to say hi, im just one of those lame people who's shy. i know ive known you well enough, but i am shy. what can i ever do, guess you never really know me then. you can keep those sarcasms away from me please. at least an effort to only show it public to your friends except for me, facebook is hi-tech enough, just a few clicks away and youd spare me from hating this situation. i dont mind you saying things behind my back, just not infront of my face.

i said i was sorry and yet you still dont reply. if it makes you feel better, yre always the first and last person whod actually talk to me on msn. sorry, i know yre busy so dont bother.

I never regretted choosing them, from the beginning.

Viva España~

am i a toy to you with strings around my fingers for you to pull and watch as i collapsed whenever you want. theres too many people we both love and too many secrets i dont want to know.

im really tired with this hectic life everyone's going through. i back down, guess im back to revolutionizing, sinking. i have other things to really care about.
msn: addyrocksyoursocksoff@hotmail.com
yahoo: adilalala@yahoo.com

Yea i like guys with puny eyes. Asian basically. A guy who looks like Mike Shinoda would be perfect. But im not demanding, or wanting any. Just saying, screw you~

Sorry this might be quiet an offensive and unrelavant so dont judge me from this post, i just feel like writing it thats all.

Sorry aku memang terasa pun selama ni~ Poyo je ingat ingat aku padahal. Xpe semua ni da biasa da, daily routine. We step on people's head and we move on. We do nice deeds and people treat us like bullshit and as if we are invisible. Fuck that statement of yours, kau da boleh da delete semua, do me a favor, do yourself a favor. Help us all, janganlah kau susah susah fikirkan yang aku ni perlu sangat dekat kau yang tidak seberapa tu. Kau dengan kawan photocopied face kau tu can go live happily ever after~ nak rage forever for what also, i thought you had no emotions, xpernah gelak konon.


Lolxzxz okay im bored. *sigh this is so random

I did things i shouldnt have did when everyone was looking away. I know its wrong, bringing up the past is against a promise to loyalty and trust. But i think we're no longer on the same boat. I guess you've taken a whole different route and left a boat with a person in it to slowly drift away...And as wind blows, it set sails. Looking for a new start. But still theres none yet to be found. But whenever you feel a slight breeze brush against you, the nostalgia, thats me being next to you just not in the perfect situation.

we can never expect everything would turn out like we planned it to be. ive been through alot, but not all. i can know when a person is just acting, 10 years of living is enough for One to notice that. i dont hate anyone, like ive told you once before, i care about my friends more than i care about myself...i dont mind if i get hurt, i dont mind if i stumbled and fall as long as you guys are happy and knowing that i didnt go wrong anywhere. i didnt left, i didnt walk away from you, i just think you guys are better off without me. so chin up, theres more to life. i hope you guys are doing great x

so it has been 4 months after the house break in. when all of my activities stopped, i couldnt find any hobby to replace it. yesterday was one of the best moments in my life. a reason when i can say that i have the best parents in the world. i can never ask for more. thank you for the camera, i can share it with my sister. thank you, no words can say how much im grateful for it! sorry to the people at school, sorry i turned down your offer for being the school editor. its just that i didnt have a camera, i dont really like working without having the proper gadget. anyways, maybe now i can help around. I LOVE MY PARENTS THEYRE THE BEST :) ♥

so i was sitting infront of the computer sketching...dad came barging in and gave me a parcel. when i opened it, i finally got my...

:D :D IM SO HAPPY ASDASDASD :D

im not pretty so why bother seeing my face...

I dont mind you guys bomb me on formspring or whatever. But can i ask you a question, what did i ever do to you? Judging from the way you guys type and the questions i dont think its from someone close to me...and you want to know something, thing is im never close to other people other than my classmates and schoolmates. Sooo what made you hate me so much till you want to make a statement like so? Or what, youre one of those people who just see a random person and say you hate em' when your friends ask why, you just make up stories about how they have treated you. Fxcked, I DONT EVEN KNOW YOU, WE DONT EVEN KNOW YOU. Plus youre supposed to ask a question not type a statement, how dumber can you get. I pity you~