although this might be corny and shit but my brother might be the only boy who gets me. the best 11 year old ive ever known. i could never ask for more, name me one guy in the world who doesnt care the fact that i still play dress-up just for the sake of taking a good photo? lol whatever it is TOYOL4LIFE.

ive been busy with class from early in the morning till the evening. so i spend the extra time sleeping, yea i deactivated my fb account. no, im not emotionally unstable if thats what youre thinking, i just dont have the time for it. i find there are other better things in life then just sit infront of the computer, click refresh hoping for a miracle to happen. fuck hopes, you should just do what you want to do and live your life. the way you desire it without relying and hoping on anyone else.

not much of a reason for me to go online these days oOo i never liked making new friends cause i know one day they will leave me and find someone new, someone better and worthwhile. friends friends, they come and go. only the ones i have now were with me through out the day. these people ive known almost my whole life are the ones i shall cherish and one day, id be telling my kids about them. sometimes a way of finding someone true is by cheating and betrayal. they might critisize, mock, insult and sometimes compliment and praise me but i never cared at least theyre the ones who are always true to me cause they know ill take the truth at any cost. a million thank you wont show how much im grateful and thankful to God i have them around me.

theres not much to say, theres nothing left to be done, all whats left is just a girl who's living within her past. she didnt care, she knew this would happen. those words, those sentences, those phrase shouldve been left unsaid, kept inside like nothing ever happened. the way he turned when she said hello, was deaf by the sound of the freeway, blinded by the lights. it was just a phase, a way that she can get over everything that ever matters. shit happens just on different days.

trust me for i am keeping my promise

im not hoping but i am holding on, ill keep my words.

kau sememangnya bukan segalaku, lambat laun akan ku lupakan segalanya dan teruskan hidup ku.

i hate to say, i dont want to say. i wish you know
because nothing make sense anymore.

the days have past, the weathers changed. you only think about yourself, but what about everything else? what about them? if you think im changing, then id be lying if i said no. i told you once the only reason i moved and commuted myself and half a year after, things change and you made me change again. should i be sorry? could i be sorry? i did everything because of you, hoping you would see.

lama lama apa jua yang diperkatakan semuanya tak dipercayai.

i cnt never change what you already are, so here i am ready to fall once more. i just hope that one day somewhere in your heart, there screams my name wanting to come out. did i push you to hard? did i make you turn into someone youre not? who's wrong or understanding, you'll never understand because what i feel and think doesnt make sense.

Me: what do you usually do when im away?

fantasize.
You: ill wait for you to come back.

reality.
You: well online, tv, go out and sleep? oh the usual.

I WANT A BOYFRIEND SO I CAN HAVE ONE OF THOSE
POST-BREAKUP CALLS.

and after i hang up...ill scream FUCK HIM!

epic ar amira~ :P i sound like a bitch.
but who gives a shit, hate me all you want,
cause ive been told that im a
stuck up, emotionally unstable, ignorant girl.
so thats why i dont hve a boyfriend lmao

xoxo

its easy for me to move on, but i know i will never let go.

im at the beginning of the end

Im at the saddest state ive ever been. But at some point i have to forget, dont regret, learn to accept and let go of everything that is felt.

i tend to remind myself
i saw you, i saw everything i ever wanted in you, maybe that made you become more than you ever were.

its another minute until 12. im writing all of this cause i just feel like ive made a fool of myself. i dont blame the weather, i dont blame the world. i just feel stupid. betrayal and truth had never made anyone walk away without leaving with disappointment and guilt behind their backs.

people from the past starting to reappear, everyone's trying their luck, see whether they can get something that is broken into shattered pieces. cause it will never be the same again. so i guess this is time where everyone says goodbye.

im a never ending shame. sorry if i made you look bad, friends. my intentions were well.

why regret and cry over the choices youve made. i thought it was what you wanted? just follow through, if your life is at the end then you shouldve thought about the consenquences.

i really gotta hand it to you, youre really good at acting~

this is not something subversive. i wont deny, im not in denial. i wont follow through, its not easy for me to accept. i wont give up cause i wanna tke it back to the start.

am i boring?
why the sudden people stopped talking to me like they used to.
am i arrogant?
why is everyone ignoring me.
am i not good enough?
why is everyone keeps on blaming me on almost everything.
is it just me...
or everything i ever hoped for is slowly drifting away.

Changes changes changes, i never liked them.

N!

yesterday, i never regreted lying to get where i wanted to be. glad that we met, i really missed you. come to think of it, its kinda sad that we didnt have the chance to celebrate our birthdays and new year together. prolly the tough situation going on and unwanted misunderstandings happen. youre keeping your bestfriend so im keeping you as mine. 5 months of seperation and although we met for 5 minutes, theres so much i wanted to tell, talk and let you know. I hope you know, whatever happens youre still my bestfriend and imy so ♥

fact

the times when you really need someone are the times when youre alone.
the times when you really love someone are the times when you were sober.

A

chin up! theres always hope in the meer future. he's not the only one. look on the bright side, you have friends who care about you, who's there for you and help you go through it all. accepting it now hurts, that i cant deny. we are always here for you.

apart

Youre killing me, youre killing time.
As if i was never here and you just looked at someone new.

interlude

the feelings that kept inside me in the endless black abyss, the thoughts that keeps wandering inside my head. i dnt know but i just kept on thinking will you understand that its so hard to tell you, cause you already know. the more i think, the more the memories fade and die. there were never regrets. heartaches to depression, happiness to laughter, it had made me become a better person. just take all my mistakes and throw them away just please destroy them. i tried, and only if i could the only thing i wanna do is to mke you smile. and im still waiting for things to change...

maybe he was right.

hear

as time past and days go by everything seems to change.

good day

im on the brink of losing my mind.

i withdrew myself from the society for awhile.

exception

this by far is the sweetest proposal i know
a boy could ever propose his girl :)

FML

why should i give a fuck about you.
why should i bother.
i should just be a self centred, heartless,
ignorant, selfish brat.
thats what the adults call me.
this is just how my life goes.
people use me, make fun of me and then leave me
when they got what they wanted and
found themselves someone new.
sorry im never good enough,
sorry im a catastrophe.
fuck my life, fuck everything.

sure

with the way you look at someone else,
how i just wish i was wrong.

i owe it all to your exgirlfriend, a.p.j.
thanks for being the brick wall :)


-|-

caught

theres not much to tell, theres not much to know. wanting someone who is inhibited to captivate by, care for, be enamored of, be enchanted by, cherish, deify, hold dear, hold high, think the world of, thrive with, treasure and be in love with..is just an arduous manner. but thats something One should always hope for, though knowing the risk they are taking might take them to a letdown and downfall of their lives.

procrastination

if we are hateful, unforgiving, doesnt meant that we have no capacity for love, compassion, gentleness, kindness and happiness towards others. instead of making a person humble, accepting, kind and generous; the thought of living in 2 different worlds will only make one haughty, conceited, all-knowing and controlling hose. they have certainly not gained heaven or anything close to heaven, and maybe even gained hell. but thats up to One, like our respective beliefs , we live the ideals in our minds but when it comes right down to it, we just do it. this no place to compare both flaws. when the rubber meets the road in a long and close relationship, things can and usually do change.

over thinking

it has been a year, and my life was filled with problems. but now youre here, helping me go through it all. you were a priority, you were always important to me. i know theres not much to see about it. but i hope you know. i never go miles for a person, i never did. yre the only reason i did. i never cared what people say or judge about you. im trying really hard with all my heart and mind to make your life happy as youve made mine. i know what youve been through. but there's only so much one can do. and i tried but the rest is up to you. and may these words are on my heart and on my lips, somehow mean so much more than just this.

youre the best thing that could be happening.

something more

im falling back from my premonitions
and i will listen, im sorry..